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How to Let Go-When he Says Those Hurtful Things

you are useless

YOU are friickn’ USELESS – Give it to me so I can do it myself!

How often would you have to hear words similar to this before it sinks in – before they become resolute?

Another weekend has just begun the girl and her siblings are laughing and joking while preparing their breakfasts.

Yippee! It’s Saturday which means wandering freely with just two rules. 

  1. Be home by dark
  2. First, help with some household chores.

(For children with a busy father and a mother who had left a couple of years earlier, life was relatively free and easy)

A Daughter’s Daily Battle for Approval

mydreambox embracing teddy bear

Her father had already risen and was making ‘requests’ for what needed to be done ASAP because he had a date with his bar stool at 11 am at the local hotel to run the bookings for the horse racing. This was a weekly ritual.

For a child of 13ish, there seemed to be plenty of time before he needed to go.

You could set his routine by a clock as it was always up at 8 am. 

It seemed no matter how much time there was available, it was never done quick enough or done the right way. (clearly he wasn’t aware that there was more than one way to skin a cat). 

No matter the reason, there was a repeat pattern:

  1. Have you started yet…?
  2. What are you doing? 
  3. Why are you doing this? I thought I asked you to do that?
  4. That’s not how it goes… (Murphy’s law – While he’s watching her, the ‘thing-a-ma-jig’ wouldn’t fit in, or turn on, or whatever!!!)
  5. Now he’s standing beside her waiting, watching intensely. (Surely he needs to be somewhere else – wasn’t someone calling him?)
  6. Grappling at the ‘thing-a ma jig’ her hands become jelly-like and a grumble rises from his belly and out came those familiar words.

You are USELESS!

‘GET OUT OF MY FRIICKN WAY!      I’ll do it myself!’

All she wanted to do was to do something right to please him to make him happy after all, he works hard all week and without her mother around to share the upbringing, it must have been hard for him.

There was no such thing as government assistance for a single dad.

But again, she let him down.

At those moments he never thought of how many things she had completed or achieved successfully.

For her, that’s all she could think about so those words ached in the pit of her stomach so his brief statement of disappointment hung like wrecking balls from her heart. 

It was the same routine no matter where or what the task was; until that day came (a few years later) when she told him NO.

A Young Girl’s Distress

crab pot

It was holiday time in Caloundra and fishing and crabbing was her father’s focus. 

As all of the siblings loved to eat the freshly boiled seafood delicacies using only bare hands and a butter knife to crack the shell so they were happy to help their father in the tinny.

The first trip out into the passage to pickup the buoys and lines of the crab pots while he steered was tolerable. Because she was a shorty she couldn’t reach over the side of the boat low enough or she continuously missed timed it which meant that he would have to turn around to give it another go.

By the third circle, out came those words. Resonating deep into her heart.

‘You’re friickn useless. Get out of my way, I’ll do it myself,’ as he awkwardly stepped over bags and eskies on the floor of the boat to pick up the floating plastic bottle/buoy.

Unfortunately, she couldn’t get further enough away from him as a tinny is only a few feet wide. (Oh how she wished she could walk on water!)

Needless to say, the rest of the trip was miserable for her as they continued checking the crab pots. Everything she did carried an underlying fear of getting it wrong and the pain in the pit of her stomach lingered.

Breaking Free from the Endless Loop

Another sunrise. The tide had turned twice so the crab pots would/should be full!

With the excitement of holiday mode and doing his favourite thing her father asked if she would like to help with the tinny again.

Are you friickn kidding me?!’, she said under her breath. 

This time the now 14-year-old whimpered out ‘no thank you’ and created a story of having something else to do. 

Whew! Got out of that and more importantly, she was never asked again.

On that particular day, another ‘tide had turned’ but this one was within her! She was so full of relief plus very proud of herself!

She had developed a strength and courage that would be a key part of her character.

Quite often over the following five decades that strength was there for her when she decided that; enough was enough, she needed to walk away, and to start over from another failed relationship.

And again take up two jobs to ensure her children lived in a safe, healthy and acceptable environment.

Deep down she knew that she was deserving a better life.


Discover More Stories?

Did this story resonate with you or someone you know?

Hearing everyday stories of ordinary people helps in so many ways for those who feel that they are going through it alone. You are not and you have support.

For some, these stories can assist in putting their own life journey into a healthier perspective as it can be detrimental to constantly be alone dwelling and spiralling downwards from negative self-talk. Words like this often leads to a belief of NOT BEING WORTHY.

Here’s another interesting story, click here.

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